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Treading water takes up an amazing amount of energy for an activity that in actuality gets you absolutely nowhere...

It's all about the love

It's been about a week and a half since I've last written...and in that time I've been maid-of-honor at a friend's wedding, visited family, gone to a family graduation party, rallied friends for a roadtrip, worked my butt off, and drove 3 hours up to Mass. after work to stay for 11 hours total before driving 3 more hours back to NY for work the next morning. And all of this done in the name of love. Or for love, regarding love....it's all about the love.
I used to have this theory that if you took any action that a person has done that may seem wrong or evil or bad or whatever and explain it through love, it could help the world be a more understanding place. To define everything as being motivated by the love of something. For example, a person may steal to feed their family whom they love. Obviously the morals and ideas get warped along the way, and the more horrible the crime, the harder it is to make the connection, but I tried anyway. I also try to believe that everyone is good at heart and to love everyone...but lately...well...I'm begninning to doubt these things.
There's so much in this world that is just so fucked up....can I write fuck here? I don't know...but whatever, it's true. Everyday I hear another story of some weirdo doing some heinous act, or not even that extreme, just some damned rude lady at the cab company talking to me like I'm some bane to her existence when all I was doing was ordering a taxi....
Or people that lie and care nothing for anyone else but themselves, satisfying their immediate primal urges in whatever quick and easy way they can, regardless of how much it may hurt another human being. - It's things like this that make me wonder...maybe we aren't all good at heart, maybe evil is a true and real thing that exists, that pulses and breathes within the hearts of some. I've heard evil described as an absence of God...and I like this definition because I've always defined God as Love. An absence of love... it's kind of like how hate is not the opposite of love, but apathy is. How most people feel the strongest hate only for people they have loved, but the worst hurt is done when you couldn't care less about someone. Why bad attention is better than none at all. Evil is the void created in a person's heart when there's nothing left to love. I think the Cherokee refer to it as a "hickory nut spirit." When a person's soul is so small from lack of use that it won't survive another incarnation...but while living in this life they cause so much pain and destruction in the world.

But in the meantime there is family, and friends, and trees, beautiful green lush trees on a sunny midsummer day, and there are people, thousands of people, struggling to be heard, to be seen, to be understood, because they do love, they still love despite the weight of the world's problems pressing down upon us, despite the hypocrisies and facades that are forced into our psyche, dementing our concept of truth and beauty....they still love. It is to all those people I reach out, and if we all reach out together, just enough, I'm sure we'll meet somewhere in the middle, and the strength of our combined lights will obliterate the darkness in the souls of all the rest.

For those of you who do not know, this is a year of transformation...it's a hard thing to do...letting go of past ideas of self, to make room for newer ones. Rebirth is a wonderful thing...but you gotta withstand the flames first. Here's to reaching...may it not be in vain...

Blue Garters

A friend of mine is getting married on Saturday and I'm her maid-of-honor. We've been trying to figure out how we can get her to fill all the "something old, something new..." requirements, and I suggested a blue garter. She didn't have enough time to order one, so after talking with her today I decided to make one...I mean..how hard could it be really?
Well...maybe not so bad if I already knew how to thread a sewing machine...not to mention sew with one. But I didn't know these things. My mother bought me a cute, tiny little sewing machine a year ago, and I never even took it out of the box until today. Today...7pm..the night before the wedding festivities begin, in a desperate attempt to sew blue ribbon onto white lace. After a half hour I learned how to thread it, and figured it would all be downhill from there...but no. There are apparently many things involved such as thread tension and timing...and frankly..I'm not cut out for that sort of thing. After another hour of honest trying I gave up. I may still try to hand sew SOMETHING she can wear...but since it's after midnight already...maybe not.

I got an email from a fellow writer friend today...I think I'm beginning to see something I think the universe has been trying to tell me for months now...at least. I'm not as alone in this world as I thought I was. It seems there is a fellowship, although it's members may yet be mostly unknown to each other...but I'm starting to honestly believe there are a great many of us who think very much the same...and THAT is a very encouraging thought.

Oh what a tangled web...

Today was a good day. Soon after it began I found myself sitting in Hella traffic on the way to the Whitestone bridge...don't know why, it just seemed like everyone suddenly had a great desire to go to Westchester. I was in the left of two lanes crawling along towards the bridge and I noticed in front of me, a merging car far off to the right motioning to the guy in the SUV next to her, pointing to the lane WAY over on the left. He in turn, opened his window (probably disturbing his Air conditioned haven) to motion to the car next to him that this other lady wanted to get over. Then he backed up his truck to let her through, and the little 4-door snuck through onto it's desired path.

Then the guy shared some words, maybe a joke with the folks in the next car, and they seemed to be enjoying a moment. I sat behind them, enjoying their moment as well, and thought to myself how considerate people can be when they choose to be, even Traffic-Trapped, Sweltering-in-the-Summer-Heat New Yorkers.

...

However, not so sure if that's on option for certain postal workers...as I encountered a very angry PO (that's post office AND pissed off) manager in New Rochelle. I had to mail some father's day cards...{more on that later} and the line was too long, so I decided to use the machine to get stamps...BAD idea. The machine SHOULD have had an "out-of-order" sign, but it simply told me that it wanted exact change...which I tried to provide it with. However, after happily excepting my dollar bill, it just kept spitting out the coins I offered right back at me. After a few minutes of cajoling, I gave up and hunted down the manager who was apparently stressed. To make a long story short, I got two stamps out of the machine, but it still had 26 cents of my money...the manager came to take out the money for me, but when I explained to him that I only needed 2 more stamps he became very angry and hostile yelling about how he couldn't help me when there was all these other people on line. Never mind the fact that if I had gotten on the dumb line in the first place instead of trying to save everyone some time, I would have had my stamps already and been outta there...he did not care...not one bit. In my own frustration and anger I left in a huff, found a copy shop that sold me stamps with a 8-cent surcharge and got to mail all my cards afterall.

It made me sad that this man was so angry and unreasonable...I mean really, would any of those people been upset if he sold me two stamps? I didn't think of it till after I left, but I should of just turned to them all and asked outright...I wonder what would have happened...
|||**Question to readers: Would you have been annoyed if the manager allowed me to "cut" to buy two stamps??**||| Your input would be greatly appreciated :)


I've been reading some blogs...and I find it oddly exciting, a bit comforting, but a bit eerie that there seem to be many bloggers out there whose thoughts and days reflect my own experiences...I wonder what this means.

This is Bloudeuedd, a Celtic Goddess of Transformation 

Strawberry Milkshakes

I went to the Diner tonight with my roommate. He ordered a Stawberry Milkshake. Those things are amazing and definitely have magical powers. Then we came home and watched ATHF. There was a shake there too, although I don't think he's strawberry...a little too sarcastic for that. I've decided to start a blog. It's something I think I've always wanted to do, but never knew it existed. This is the first post...we'll see where things go from here...but Hello World!
As a fortune cookie once told me: "Adventure can be a real happiness."